Pieces of You
by blue-eyed-lullaby
Summary: IchixRuki oneshot. Ichigo has left Rukia alone in Soul Society after giving her his heart. As he returns to the human world, she struggles with holding on to what they had. This letter is a desperate call to a lover who is just out of her reach.


Well, this is a oneshot ichixruki. It's a letter from Rukia to Ichigo, as she struggles not to fall apart without his presence. He's gone off to medical school after studying at the shinigami academy, relinquishing his duties to spend some time as a normal human.

Enjoy. Comments, suggestions for my writing, critiques, anything that lets me know if you liked it, didn't like it, how you'd change it... I'd really appreciate it.

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My Ichigo,

I know right now you're at medical school, racking your brain, pressured by your final exams. You're almost there, educated in the ways of saving human lives. It fits you almost too well. You were always the man that longed to protect, to save, to prevent anything from happening to those you love. Of all people, I should know that. I can't count the moments you fought for me. For us. Right now, I'm just struggling here in Soul Society on my own. I'm fighting just to hold on to a whisper of you.

There are traces of you everywhere. There's a forgotten, blue obi sash from your academy uniform in my room, thrown beneath my sheets from the last time we frantically stole moments as the seconds ticked away for your departure. There's the photograph of your family you brought here when you last stayed here for an extended period of time. There's a corner of my pillow that smells like you. It's that one corner you always used to somehow roll over onto even when you had your own pillow. You always were a bed hog. There's even a little burnt patch on chappy's ear, where the fur just incinerated. We'd been arguing about something stupid, you'd gotten frustrated and attempted to use kido. Your pathetic little bolt hit my poor chappy. I remember your face the moment you'd realized what you'd hit. You'd cradled me in your arms, hugged me, smothered my angrily flushed cheeks with soft kisses and whispered you were sorry a thousand times. You'd pleaded me with your gorgeous, golden eyes. I had to forgive you, even if I was upset. Now I trace that ear with my finger every night before I go to sleep, hoping to feel a piece of you left behind.

Yesterday, your old sensei dropped by and gave me a paper from your history class at the shinigami academy. Your marks were high, which was no surprise. The paper was still crinkled from the vice grip of your hands, when you nervously clenched that paper as I talked you into trying to turn it in late. You'd yelled so loud about how he'd never accept your paper. I sometimes swear I hear it echo when I pass the buildings we'd walked by as I tried to calm you down. I know you don't like to admit it, but this midget is always right. I still am.

Sometimes I walk alone when only the glowing lanterns guide my footsteps to wherever they may go, path undetermined. I like the feeling of night, the world hushed in the soft breath of sleep. It's in those moments without the beck and call of my duty that I can live inside my memory. Yet there's an icy reality in those moments. Getting lost in memory always brings me back to you. I whisper into the wind, imagining the melody it would carry, bringing my voice to you, filling you with the drive you need to complete this next mission. I know it's only in my mind, that I'm talking to myself and an empty breeze in the dusk. I just can't help it. Holding on to you is impossible. I don't want to forget your eyes, your smell, the touch of your roughened palms or the softest of your kisses. Yet you are as ephemeral as the smoke that pours out of my incense burner. I'm reaching out for those tiny traces of you, the pieces you left behind. I am those pieces. I'm the shattered and broken heart you left in this forgotten world.

It's only been a couple of months, but I still remember when I accompanied you to your school. It felt odd to be in my gigai, but I knew I would miss it in mere hours. That night, I knew it would be a long time until I saw you again, and I was to savor every moment. We took a walk on the beach that's only a mile from your dorm. I remember looking at you as you decided the ocean was too inviting to just look at and not get in. You were standing in front of me, laughing and tugging on my fingertips as I trudged out into the almost waist high water. I was squealing; after all, it was rather cold. You dove in, swam out a bit. I followed. My shirt tugged at my shoulders, drenched. The weight of my rolled up pants didn't matter though, I practically floated. I gripped onto your hand, waddled up to you in the water, and let you wrap your arms around me and pull me up. As I wrapped my legs around you, I ran my fingers through your hair; you kissed me, holding on as the waves crashed by, pushing us a little off balance. We giggled in between the moments where we met each others' lips, both soaking wet, a little cold, but not feeling it at all. The sky was pitch black, save for the glint of the stars and the pale moonlight that stretched across the open ocean that we stood in. I was covered in goose bumps; the hairs on my neck stood on end when I finally realized what a view we were kissing under. The sky was gorgeous, the water rippling its image beneath the crashing of the tide. Our necks craned backwards, bodies balancing against the beating of the ocean. Our eyes were unrippled oceans, reflecting absolutely everything, even revealing so much more. You helped me up onto the rock out there, wrapping your arms around from behind me, rested your chin on my shoulder. We talked about enjoying that moment, about how we didn't want to go back, or look back. Just to be transfixed on the water, the moonlight, the twinkling of those stars... and each one of them reflecting off of us.

When that moment was over, us both dizzy with the swirling of the saltwater around us, trudging back to the sand, hearts beating faster than we could keep up with- I remember you tried to say goodbye. You would say goodbye, I'd kiss you. You'd kiss me back. We'd latch onto each other as though we'd never see one another again, then you'd try to say goodbye. It never worked. I always looked you in the eyes, kissed you, let my fingers trail down your cheeks, pull you into me, or just throw my arms around you altogether. Despite my size, I tackled you down onto the beach and you got covered with sand. I was completely guilty of keeping you there. I only wish I could have kept you longer, or that I could even pull you as close now when you're so far away.

Me and my memories. I get lost in them sometimes. You're just a couple days time away. I'll spend my week with you and return here to waiting. I'll be waiting for my heart to fall to pieces until I see you again and you scoop me up in your arms, repairing every shattered bit of me, again. I don't know if you realize how much I long for you. Desire won't describe what futile language cannot say. I can't pour my heart on this paper Ichigo, I don't know how. I just want a moment. Not a moment out on the streets of Sereitei by myself, but a moment with you again, the dusk drowning away the garish light of dawn that takes you away from me again. Come Please, my Ichigo, don't let the beautiful sunlight keep you away from me forever. My world with you is twilight until your heart seeks me again.

I'll be there soon. I'm sure your finals will go exactly how you want them to. I'm also incredibly sure that when you find yourself exhausted from your studies, there will be a black haired, love struck, incredibly short, stubborn, terrible drawing, hopelessly lost girl waiting out on that beach for you to come back to.

Always,

Rukia


End file.
